UnNews:Rock Singer placed on Injured Reserve
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Rock Singer placed on Injured Reserve
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 16:56:UTC)(
25 November 2007
DULUTH - Legendary rock singer Shelley Suburb of the New Jersey based Emo band, 'Buster Hyman', has been placed on Injured Reserve by fellow bandmates according to the bands' myspace.com.
This morning the Myspace.com Head Coach, Skip Listen, stated that he/she is scheduled to make a press conference later on this evening just before the bands next tour stop in northern Minnesota. Comments made by Skip on his/her bulletin have suggested that the injury may be due to Shelley's lack of awareness during last weeks performance somewhere out east. No visual evidence supports the theory that the band had indeed played out last weekend though a couple dozen teenagers have cited that they'd attended the concert.
Early speculation suggests that during the bands' meet and greet session last week, Shelley in a self-serving rage apparently had the wrong lip gloss delivered to him/her pre-show. Shelley therefore sprang from the merchandise table and ran towards the outfits' tour manager, when Shelley then tripped over a smashed styrofoam cup that was on the club floor.
Early indications also suggest that a couple of jocks from a local Hardcore Band might've beat the snot out of this guy/girl after his/her 15-minute cryfest. Noone has yet to confirm who might've been so outrageously cool.
Skip Listen is expected to make a substitution decision just before gametime concerning the band's dillusional/small-packaged/incoherant whistling position. Noone within or outside of the said band is expected to step-up.