UnNews:Rocco Mediate lost in Tiger Woods
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17 June 2008
Torrey Pines golf course, San Diego, California. American professional golfer Rocco Mediate has gotten lost in Tiger Woods in the vicinity of Torrey Pines golf course in San Diego. He went missing during a sudden-death playoff with Tiger Woods following an eighteen-hole playoff in the US Open golf tournament on Monday, June sixteenth. Forty-five-year-old Mediate has nine professional wins and would possibly have won the US Open if he had not gotten lost. When being interviewed by insular and elitist UnNews golf reporters, coincidentally-named US Open winner Tiger Woods shared his thoughts with the readers:
“Sad, so sad. [...] I've never heard of anyone who's returned from Tiger Woods before. I hear the tigers that live there are exceptionally cruel.”
Woods, 32, was proclaimed winner of the tournament after no word of Mediate had been heard for an unspecified amount of time. The FBI has arrived on the scene and is currently searching the area. "We're doing the best we can", Special Agent Jack Malone was heard to say, "I had my money on him and someone has got to pay my debt."
- Associated Press "Tiger puts away Mediate on 91st hole to win U.S. Open". ESPN, June 16, 2008