Robert E. Lee won another battle

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, June 19, 2018, 14:11:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

19 August 2017

General Chuck

"I'm in the Army now."

Washington, District of Columbia -- Secretary of State Defence James Norman Mattis faces the next "You're fired" since the Yankees just lost another battle against Rebel forces' leading General Robert E. Lee. Some extremists of political correctness just had started to demolish memorials for the Southerners' hero, and as reaction some extremists of political incorrectness misreacted in Charlottesville, beginning counter-terrorism against the other side, thus not earning any flower-pot for what they did.

If there's such trouble in his country Virginia, Lee never gets the idea to turn over in his grave. Instead his patriotic routine is to leave his grave to bring comfort back to his beloved homeland. Of course Lee's not bothered by the loss of some statues. What he hates is the fact that Americans are divided into factions again like in Civil War, and he's bothered by the fact that they fight their battles in Virginia. At midnight hour between Aug 17 and Aug 18 2017 he started his personal peace mission, beginning with a visit of the Rebels' war horse cemetery, were he woke up his Civil War horse for a night ride to Washington D.C.. When he arrived in the White House his grey uniform helped his mission because at the moment the house's staff behaves like grey mice for not catching a "You're fired" by its unhailed Chief. General Lee went straight to the Oval Office, in his pocket a legally valid declaration of war of Virginia against the rest. When he opened the door he spotted one of the extremists who ideologically caused the deathly troubles in Virginia: Stephen Bannon. Lee didn't hesitate, took his sword, ready to stab it out onto the traitor, stopped only by the wise words of Bannon's blond subtitute: "You're fired!". Faster than you could look Bannon ran away, howling and crying. "You're so wise, Mr. President" was Lee's remark. And really, Trump's "You're fired" was just friendly fire in it's best way, saving the life of the President's best friend that way. If Mr. President wouldn't have thrown out the extremist, Lee would have killed him. Lee has nothing to fear since he himself is already dead. Except the fear that the President may build another Lee statue now.

Sources Edit