UnNews:Rob Zombie fired from Halloween sequel, "H2," due to beard length; Daeg Faerch rehired
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Rob Zombie fired from Halloween sequel, "H2," due to beard length; Daeg Faerch rehired
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 13:08 (UTC)
8 March 2009
HADDONFIELD, Georgia -- Rock/metal musician turned filmmaker Rob Zombie has confirmed his exit from the upcoming film H2, a sequel to his 2007 mega hit Halloween remake that broke box office records that year. The writer-producer-director has been fired in response to a) the overwhelming backlash of dropping Young Michael Myers actor Daeg Faerch, and b) the "increased length" of Zombie's beard.
Zombie commented on his MySpace page that "Although I was contracted to helm H2, I am to be fired due to the Daeg incident and also due to my beard's increased length. This is a very sad time for [wife] Sherri [Moon Zombie] and I. In fact, I'm curled up, crying like a little girl right now. Oh, shit, how I wish I hadn't let Daeg go. I sincerely hope to work with these great people again for the upteenth time, sometime, in the near future."
When asked, he delved deeper into my he decided to recast the pivotal role of Young Myers. A quick note: He was sobbing so much that we had to hire an interpreter to decipher Zombie's unintelligible rambling, so here is what he said, to the best of our abilities:
I know everybody is pissed that Daeg has been let go from H2. But here's the deal: He's not a little boy anymore; he's a tall teenager with a deep voice, and no longer believable as a 10-year-old. He's going through the stages of puberty, and he's hit a massive growth spurt. It was not an easy decision to make, because I knew I needed the film to have some kind of negative publicity since the first film lacked it (except from whining purists), and I knew this was gonna do the trick; I knew the fans would stone me to death for this, and I was completely right -- the heat is so strong and overwhelming, that my clothes are drenched with sweat, and I smell like Kevin Federline. Once you see the film, you'll know why I replaced Daeg. It's because this film is intended to pale in comparison to the first one I made. I do think Daeg is exceptionally talented and I wish him the best of luck. But he's way too talented for what I had in mind, which was the same-old cookie-cutter inferior sequel. That's right, kids! The only thing Michael was gonna cut in this movie was not people, but cookies. I was going to go soft on H2, and release it with a G rating. And Daeg just didn't work for that; he performed young Michael the same way as the original, albeit older, and that's not what I wanted; I wanted Martha Stewart with a white mask. Daeg was disappointed at the way I wrote the new Michael, but he was also disappointed when I let him go. Enjoy an H2 that won't be the same. With Love, Rob Zombie
Consequently, Weinstein brother Bob has commented on Rob's exit:
"I know there are a lot of people who are confused about Rob's exit. It certainly wasn't an easy choice to make, and it broke our hearts and saddened us to do so. We think Rob is a genius and the Hitchcock of our time. But the dismissal of Daeg Faerch was just unacceptable and uncalled for. We believe Daeg is the greatest actor his age, and is the only actor who should be allowed to play the role.
And do dismiss him for something so trivial as height. Harvey [Weinstein, Bob's brother] and I wrote down some trivial things about Rob's appearance and put them in a hat, and picked one as another major reason to fire him. Even though Rob is not shown in front of the camera, we felt his beard was way too long compared to 2007. I mean, he looks like ZZ Top with that big bushy beard."
Rob has commented on his beard, stating "The only reason my beard is so long is because of my unemployment period between the first Halloween and touring and doing nothing before they offered me H2. And then when I got the gig, my damn razor broke and I wouldn't be able to afford another one unless H2 made a profit. Unfortunately, that razor will have to wait until somebody hires me to do another movie."
Due to the backlash, Daeg Faerch is back on board and Rob Zombie is fired for life...lol PWN3D RZ!!! "I'm glad to be back," says Faerch. "Maybe this will teach Rob not to mess with me. Because it can get ugly. I can't wait to find out who's helming the project now."
The film's new writer-producer-director has been announced as original Halloween writer-producer-composer-director John Carpenter, in a surprising move. He has in recent years washed his hands of the Halloween property and of Michael Myers. Carpenter sat down with UnNews to give us the scoop:
“I didn't want to do it at first. They first came to my door, and I grabbed my .44 Magnum. The second time, they called me up and I hang up, then they came to my door screaming "Halloween 2!" and I grabbed my Semi-automatic and my bazooka. Well, my bazooka was empty, so I used a machine gun instead. The third time, they still came to my door, with picket signs with Myers on them, and I told them I'd call the police. The fourth time, they did the same damn thing, but knocked on my door and flashed a Benjamin in my face, and I happily said I'd do it.”