UnNews:Riots fizzle after Martin convicted of own murder

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Riots fizzle after Martin convicted of own murder

We distort, you deride

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 09:40:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

15 July 2013


Dead man walking?

FLORIDA – In a landmark case that everyone wishes they never fucking heard of, a gender unbiased all-female jury in Florida has ruled that African-American teenager, Trayvon Martin aka Shaka Kinti, 17, is guilty of all charges relating to his own murder by Hispanic George Zimmerman, who told the court, “My nam’, Jose Jimenez!”

Zimmermans' defense argued that he was just a hapless racially profiled victim and had nothing to do with the unprovoked self-defense causing the murder - which was, in fact, not caused by any person nor gun, but rather was the result of a mindless dumb slug, traveling at high velocity, which Martin maliciously and intentionally intercepted with his own body.

Proponents of the low-profile case tried their best to spark a preposterous national debate on race and guns as well as on race gun (such as starter pistols) and gun races (such as the Cold War) in the United States, with the black community firmly behind Zimmerman and the Latino community staunchly backing Martin.

The prosecution argued that the suspicious black hood racially profiled Hispanic Zimmerman, who mistook the youth for a bull's eye when he saw him sneaking about. They claimed that Zimmerman, who had dressed in combat boots, camouflage gear, and war paint, bolted from his Humvee, then stalked and killed the boy in the time honored tradition of "search and destroy", an asinine strategy developed by disgraced general William Westmoreland during his Vietnam mathematical gory glory days.

The verdict was unanimous, and while Martin was sentenced to remain dead, twenty-nine-year-old Zimmerman was acquitted of all charges. The self-appointed neighborhood watch vigilante could have been sentenced to life in prison for 180-degree murder or up to 30 days for boy-slaughter if he had been found guilty.

So after all the cover-ups and misinformation it was Martin who was convicted for dying and causing so much goddamn hassle to the much smaller Zimmerman, who claimed, successfully, that he was simply standing his ground, which included the entire State of Florida.

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools