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18 February 2012
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, GEORGIA - An anonymous eighth grader has reportedly solved the Riemann hypothesis using a custom-made Ford F-150, a Java applet running on several U.S. and Soviet government computers and iPhones, and 768 terabytes of virtual memory in Wikipedia's servers.
In an exclusive interview held with the staff of Scientific American, a parody of UnScientific), the teenager stated:
“So if you take the intersection of this set and this set, and you arrange them in a 3,246,290 × 503,601 matrix, you can multiply it by this other matrix, which should give you a complex number outside the scope of our servers. And here we're talking real and imaginary parts in the 10999's. And then you test that number (called S), which should take over a million years on your average personal computer. And it turns out that ζ(S) is equal to zero, but it's not on the Critical Line. So that's ka-boom for the Riemann hypothesis.”
But some people are doubtful. White House press secretary Jay Carney relayed President Obama's somewhat controversial claim that "kids, no matter how smart, cannot be trusted". Regardless, this statement demonstrated his superior skills in raising children than that of his predecessor, who would have merely congratulated the anonymous kid scientist on not getting left behind.
This sparked controversy over whether teens should be trusted to produce good insights. Doubt over the veracity of the proof is further exacerbated by the notion that Wikipedia is not completely accurate. "The only reason I used Wikipedia," the young scientist adds, "is because they've got so much server space, and they let me (unlike Google)."