UnNews:Research shows surgeons likely to play violent video games

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22 November 2012

Scalpel
When asked which new weapon they'd like to play with in the upcoming Grand Theft Auto V, most surgeons overwhelmingly suggested the scalpel.

SEATTLE, Washington -- In a recent survey conducted by anonymous pollsters claiming to be fans of Grey's Anatomy and Grand Theft Auto, it was revealed that surgeons have a particularly high likelihood for buying and playing violent, ESRB-Mature and PEGI-18 rated video games.

On the anonymous blog, the anonymous pollsters alleged that they had toured the surgical wing of various hospitals scattered throughout Seattle, handing out questionnaire pamphlets to random doctors and nurses. The answers to the questionnaire were to be "sent by e-mail, from any surgeon who had time to spare."

Surprised by the overwhelming response to their poll, these pollsters gave a detailed analysis of their questionnaire results. "It seems that even though so many people are living to fight another day thanks to the valiant efforts of these surgeons, they feel kind of...obligated to compensate for their noble efforts by killing off countless fictitious people in cold-blood on their consoles. Indeed, this could open up doors for whole new ways of looking at human psychology. Or maybe we're just talking smack and violent video games are played to this extent just because they're awesome."

Surgeons gave their own inputs to the survey results to UnNews. "Well, we have very, very hard days to go through all the time." said a cardiothoracic surgeon who'd confessed to having owned all GTA games released since the series began. "The agonizing hours, people pulling you in from all directions, and interns way too hot for their own good....every moment's a balancing act. Which really leaves you wasted and kind of lost by the end of your shift. What better way to pass on the rest of your day than in a world where people's lives don't mean jack shit? It's better than having your career on the chopping block every time one guy winds up dead."


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