UnNews:Republicans rename Democratic Party
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Republicans rename Democratic Party
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 30, 2017, 18:54:UTC)(
21 May 2009
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Facing a humbling prospect in 2010 and beyond, Republicans have had to face some tough choices. "We've had to totally change our outlook," Chairman Michael Steele said at a recent GOP leadership meeting. "We lost the election in 2008 because our party became just a group of tax and spend liberals who only wanted to abort babies and marry other men. Luckily, we've since come around and embraced what REALLY makes us Republican, by decreasing taxes, never spending any money, putting those fetuses back up there, and getting a few divorces." Steele spoke in front of a group of GOP officers this past Monday, advocating a "major change in the way we address the majority party".
Prominent Republicans, including Steele, voted unanimously Tuesday to rename the Democrats in a symbolic motion designed to show their concern for the drift of the Democrats toward "unAmerican ideals." By calling Democrats the Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit party, many GOP higher ups believe the tables will finally be turned. Rush Limbaugh stated that "those cunts had better bend over and grab their knees now. They'd better bend over, 'cuz we're gonna ride this bitch all the way to Nantucket! NO, FUCK YOU!" Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit NAMBLA abortion party officials declared the Republican motion moot as far as they were concerned.
Tim Kaine, governor of Virginia and party chair, said that "This doesn't apply to us. I mean, I think we're still called 'Democrats'." Other members of the Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit party for pedophiles stood by their leader and defied the Republican Hero Party: "I don't know when they came in and changed the sign out front, but we're still Democrats!"
The French NAMBLA party for Darth Hitler pedophiles has put out a statement regarding the name change: "We're not sure what happened, but we're determined to make the best of it. We are staying true to our fundamentals, more spending, regardless of the name change. The French Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit NAMBLA party for gay Darth Hitler pedophiles looks forward to your continued support."
The Republican National Strength and Unity and Prosperity and Health and Happiness Forever Hero Committee has begun talks with the French Cancer porn party for Darth Hitler Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit abortion communists to change their left-leaning fundamentals. ...in the same way Jesus would begin talks with a dog on how to improve the bible. ...A blind, retarded dog with three legs.