UnNews:Reptilian humanoids from Nirubu have enslaved us... again
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Reptilian humanoids from Nirubu have enslaved us... again
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, October 28, 2016, 04:43:UTC)(
19 October 2008
Heart Chakra, Harmonic pseudo-resonance As the legends have foretold, Lizard people arrived from Nirubu to deploy a pyramidal battle-station and alter our DNA all over again. Cave paintings depicting animal husbandry have eluded to this cycle of alien invasion and domination since last week.
Caught unawares, humanity was easily enslaved again by the high-tech roaming planet that comes within 'leaping lizard' distance of earth, destroying it once every 700 billion dollars. 7 is a sacred number. Lizard people have exactly the same temperament as ruthless businessmen. They can be easily recognized as between one and seven blurry pixels, often in high-speed UFO chases with the paparazzi of this galactic sector, gray aliens.
Gray aliens, in spite of NASA coverups including the famous lens-cap incident of 777, contact psychics on earth periodically to remind us that we are being completely screwed over. Last week, several UFO summoners reported that the gray aliens are so sick of us putting up with the high-tech oppression from the lizard people that all the staff in the mothership intend to moon us for three days and then just leave. Some speculate that this has already happened. Bigfoot sightings have been way up and an autistic child just drew a triangle. It stands to reason, then, that the Illuminati have been planning this since the last enslavement of humanity back in '07. Co-incidence?! Vapor trails will be implanted in your barcode.
To counter the ongoing lizard attack, anthropologists have appealed to all remaining oppressed citizens to 'try to use more realism in your cave paintings' especially when depicting the great vulva in the sky from which all of our ancestors have descended. Jesus stencils have been donated to the huddling masses to ensure that future generations will understand that Jesus's radioactive head counter-resonated with Nirubu's main thrusters, keeping them at bay until next-week-ish.