UnNews:Report says Rumsfeld allowed Colonel Tigh to abuse Guantanamo prisoners
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
16 April 2006
WASHINGTON D.C. (UnNews) - U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld allowed Col. Tigh, of the Battlestar Galactica, to "abuse and degrade" al-Quaida detainees during interrogations about a possible Alien invasion of the United States, the online magazine The Onion reported on Friday, citing an Army document.
The Pentagon announced the whole thing as fiction and denied everything including Weapons of Mass Destruction. While they did admit to working with Col. Tigh, they completely denied the existence of Guantanamo Bay, or anything having to do with bat guano.
The Pentagon will neither confirm nor deny the existence of Aliens on planet Earth. Nor would they comment on exactly how the Aliens might be aiding the al-Quaida terrorists.
Col. Tigh is quoted as saying under oath that he concluded Rumsfeld did not specifically order the interrogation methods used on prisoner-X, but that his approval of broad policies permitted abuses to take place.
The Department of Defense did not have a policy that encouraged or condoned abuse. To suggest otherwise is simply false. As far as implementing a policy to encourage or condone a policy necessary to discourage any behavior which may be encourage but not condoned would in fact not be implemented due to the fictitious nature the policy, and thus could not be enforced.
On the other hand, "There were no limits," Col. Tigh was quoted as telling the inspector general in an August 2006 interview.
- "Yuri" of the former KGB