UnNews:Report: CIA attempting to influence student elections
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Report: CIA attempting to influence student elections
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, September 4, 2015, 10:23:UTC)(
20 March 2008
ANN ARBOR, MI (UNN) - The Central Intelligence Agency has been implicated in attempting to influence student government elections at the University of Michigan, according to sources at the Michigan Daily.
The elections, which are presently taking place, were previously thought to be a relatively ho-hum contest between the Michigan Action Party and the Destroy Affirmative Action Party. However, as one College of Literature, Science, and the Arts freshman discovered, appearances can be deceptive.
In a letter written to the Michigan Daily obtained by UnNews, the source details the CIA's plans to take over the Michigan Student Assembly. According to said source, the CIA "wants to do a better job of representing students on campus by finding out what you want and delivering rather than being sidetracked by internal problems". As such, the CIA has decided to "finally effect change" - presumably, by overthrowing the dominant Michigan Action Party.
According to an anonymous source, CIA operatives have, over the past few days, engaged in a mass flyer-bombing campaign in South Quad, East Quad, West Quad, Bursley, and Markley residence halls. This, combined with their attempt to infiltrate Facebook , were all part of what was referred to as Operation Garmin (so named due to the lack of need for MAP after the campaign is finished).
In an unorthodox move, the CIA has not been conducting a covert operation. In fact, it has been conducting an overt operation. Instead of running for election under another name, or initiating a coup (as is common in CIA operations), the CIA has done the unthinkable - run under its own name. UnNews sources have obtained campaign material which calls for students to "Vote CIA". While this may seem like a strange move, student election analysts in Michigan believe it just may work, given MAP's lagging approval ratings in recent weeks. "Students want change, even if it comes from CIA spooks", said one Michigan Daily reporter, who asked to remain anonymous.
Stay tuned to UnNews for more information on the CIA's operation and its full extent.