UnNews:Religious far-left object to "Science" Voodoo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Religious far-left object to "Science" Voodoo
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 23, 2017, 16:56:UTC)(
12 May 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Miskatonic University, ARKHAM, Massachusetts -- The Fourth Annual VooSciSatCon (Voodoo, Scientology and Satanism Conference) met today at the creepy rundown mansion owned by a guy who looks like Vincent Price on LSD. High on the agenda was the issue of scientists, and if they are trying to horn in on the action. Kmu'bubu-leueule Tngjr'ikda of Cameroon, voted head loony of the day, issued a statement signed by all present.
"Today we see so-called rational people doing "Science" Voodoo, and frankly, we're a bit miffed! Raising the dead, necromancy, fancypants-mancy, female circumcision, taking poor, deluded people for all the money thay have... that's our province. Science has no business fooling around with powers they know nothing about!"
Representatives from Togo, Benin and Nigeria and Haiti made up the Vodun (aka Voodoo) delegation. Scientology and Satanism was represented by David Miscavige and a surprisingly dapper L. Ron Hubbard, freshly risen from the grave. Umbanda, Quimbanda and Candomble, religions similar to Vodun and found in South America, were jointly represented by Che Guevara and Carlos Casteneda.
Carl Sagan, also freshly resurrected, responded to the allegations by saying, "Let me tell you about Quantum Physics." This reporter said, "No, thank you, I have loony people to interview, and my publication has no interest in "facts".
Mental giants of science, such as John Hutchison, discoverer of anti-gravity or the Hutchison Effect, had much more interesting things to say than Sagan. "Sure, they caught me using strings on a documentary film, but does that stop me? No, I persevere. It's clear to all who listen to me, that the "Hutchison Effect", in conjunction with the "Casimir" effect, using zero-point energy as a complex matrix of forces, will result in the ability to create zombies without the side-effects of puffer fish toxins. Why won't they listen? Why?"
“From: "Chaim Yankle" <chaim_yankle@y...>
- Date: Sat Jan 8, 2005 1:44 pm
- Subject: ZPE energy device
“What exactly is a "modicum", hmm?”
- Chaim Yankels "zero point energy Free energy using the math-thingy.". Arkham House, June 12, 1986
- Chris Mooney "The New Science Wars: Is George W. Bush's the most anti-science administration in modern times? .". CSICOP Online, March 15, 2004
- Cris Mooney is Washington correspondent for Seed Magazine and author of "The Republican War on Science" from Basic Books.