UnNews:Ravers run toystores for Aqua Dots

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8 November 2007

Aquadots thumb petpals
"These are the best," said Derek, a raver from Canada, "they bring out your animal."

AMSTERDAM, uh, Sweden? -- Ravers across the US and the EU ran on toy stores looking for Aqua Dots that hadn't been yet pulled from the shelves. The chemical in the toy reportedly breaks down in the human body as GHB, the amnesia producing hypnotic nightclub drug also called "Fantasy" favored by Ravers and date-rapists. "This is so cool," said Luxury Fix, a 13 year-old raver from Amsterdam, "they glow in the black lights, too." Some had mentioned that they would also stick to a wet glow stick and you could eat them off "like a popsicle." Tiger Dookie', a 26 year-old raver from Tampa, said "I got mine from my little sister. I'm so glad she never opened it."

Lines were reported running a block long in some places, with Ravers with i-pods "dancing like ghosts to an invisible DJ" said a local toy store clerk in Racine, Wisconsin who refused to be identified before she passed out. Paramedics arrived and whisked her away to what ER officials said was "an obvious GHB overdose."

Earlier, an elementary school in France reported several tussled young girls "who couldn't remember what happened to them." Aqua Dots were later found on the playground.

"I've never seen so much purple hair since I visited my grandmother at her trailer park in St. Petersburg," said Ida Dewitt, a KB Toys manager from Akron, Ohio. A Toys-R-Us spokesman said some stores had been offered up to $100 to $200 for pulled Aqua Dots, adding "this is the best thing since "Tattoo Me Elmo." Wal-Mart reportedly refused to pull the product, anticipating a huge run that would earn them countless more millions without regard for public safety. "Don't you dig that groove?," asked a dancing-on-the-job Wal-Mart employee from Tucson, Arizona.

Several million Aqua Dots are yet unaccounted for.

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