UnNews:Rat Poison is Harmful

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Rat Poison is Harmful

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Saturday, March 17, 2018, 09:24:59 (UTC)

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16 August 2007

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

Rat poison is harmful to Humans as well

All products containing rat poison have been took off the shelves after a damning report by the Oxford University revealed that the retonicide in Rat Poison is also harmful to humans and can cause internal bleeding and occasionally death.

The news will damage many normal people slightly because they will no longer be able to have the likes of Mars Bars and Walkers Crisps but many businesses face ruin.KFC for example needed rat poison to make their chicken finger lickin' good but they now will have to use a less popular taste additive. A spokesperson for KFC had this to say KFC managing director Colonel Sanders would to offer deep gratitude to anyone affected by the rat poison, no, no, yes, no, yes will be using a top secret additive instead, how many more questions will there be I have to go soon? Oh, Ok. Yes, Possibly although we feel the logo is fine as it is. Yes, yes definitely, no, DEFINITELY NOT YOU SICK PERVERT

Many companies face more problems due to lawsuits by leading parent unions. Alison Dischead is filing a lawsuit against Tesco as she believes the rat poison in their pies killed her son. She said this whilst loading bullets into a AK47 assault rifle I will avenge my sons death. Tesco is going down.

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