UnNews:Radioactivity and genetically modified food takes its toll on young girls
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Radioactivity and genetically modified food takes its toll on young girls
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, March 27, 2017, 16:38:UTC)(
17 April 2011
NEW YORK CITY -- Studies have shown that the American way of nucular power, radioactivity, and genetically modified foods have taken a toll on the lives of your youth, specifically those of the female gender. These scientists and doctors have used scientific logic to prove that radioactivity and genetically modified food have resulted in early puberty, menstruation as early as age seven, and other hazardous consequences.
One doctor, Muhammad Ahmed, M.D. of South Carolina said:
|“||Yes, these vegetables and other foods the young girls are getting in their school lunches are having undesirable consequences in early age. It's especially prevalent in areas where radioactivity is present or in areas by a nuclear power plant. This is the consequence of the American way and the easy growing of these foods with scorpion DNA and more preservatives than I can count.||”|
Traditionally conservative areas have started selling these glittery feminine products to young lasses in order to cope with this new epidemic. One worried mother named Carol Shell from South Dakota said to UnNews:
|“||You know, my daughter started with this pack at a mere seven years, when she should be more worried about playing with her friends and having a good time. I really worry about this generation of Americans and what else the radioactivity and animal DNA in our food is gonna do.||”|
These products are expected to make a good amount of money amidst this crisis, and doctors all across the nation are speculating what the next disaster will be.
- "New, Glittery Feminine Products Introduces Menstruation to Tweens". Fox News, April 15, 2011
- Nathan Batalion, ND "50 HARMFUL EFFECTS OF GENETICALLY MODIFIED (GM) FOODS". Raw-Wisdom, June 20, 2009