UnNews:RIAA's New Virus Huffs Filesharers' Computers Worldwide

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5 May 2006

Bainwol

Bitch Mainwol, who ordered the global annihilation of filesharing PCs.

The RIAA, in a more fervent effort to curb file sharing, has started sending viruses to users who unknowingly download from their honeypots. To make them think they feel safe, the viruses stay inactive for 24 hours after being downloaded.

Here is Mitch Bainwol, err um, Bitch Mainwol with more details:

In all the songs we put out for them to download, they will get supreme-quality audio so they'll think they're "home-free". Little do they know that each of these files have a hidden, embedded virus in them. Even if they run an antivirus, it'll not pick it up because not only is this virus brand-new, it's heavily encrypted within these song files so antivirus programs will never pick it up even if their companies add info about it.

Evidently, the 1/9000 chance of getting caught isn't deterring enough people. I guess that's because it's the same odds of getting in a car accident. Users will however, get a 1/1 chance of getting this virus because it will secretly transfer to other files on Kazaa and any other illegal file sharer, even if those other files did not come from the RIAA. In other words, this virus will infect every last music file on all file-sharing networks.

We've decided not to infect video files and files other than for music because that would take up too much manpower and resources. The MPAA and other legal entities can do that.

So there you have it, you must stop file sharing or else here's what will happen:

You download a song, unknowingly infected by RIAA's virus. Everything's perfectly fine for 24 hours, and you enjoy listening to your newly-downloaded music.

Exactly 24:00:00 after you download it, a full-screen pop-up appears, saying YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO DELETE YOUR SHARED FILES OR ELSE YOUR COMPUTER WILL BE HUFFED!!! This virus has been sent to you by the RIAA. Delete all illegal files from your system, otherwise Enjoy Your Newly Empty Hard Drive!

The timer starts counting down on the pop-up. You move all your illegally-downloaded files to the Recycling Bin and close the pop-up window.

You think you're home-free but GUESS WHAT? When the 60 seconds are up, the pop-up appears again, this time saying:

Pity you! YOU FORGOT TO EMPTY THE RECYCLING BIN! You had your 60 seconds, now your computer shall DIE! Hard Drive deletion in progress. Status: 3% deleted (and counting)

Poor, poor boy. You should've gotten iTunes! (Or Napster, or any other legal file-sharing service.)

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