UnNews:Queen puts UK tactical nuclear deterrent on ebay

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Queen puts UK tactical nuclear deterrent on ebay

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17 January 2016

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Earth shattering Trident nuclear missiles are going for a song right now on ebay, and certainly not one written by Kirsty MacColl or Bob Dylan.

BUCKINGHAM PALACE, England -- The Queen has put the UK's Trident nuclear deterrent on ebay with a reserve of £12m per missile, and loose gear and technical infrastructure valued on a case-by-case basis. The Buckingham Palace press office said the Windsors were having a clear-out to raise a bit of cash.

As head of the British Armed Forces, Her Majesty has the responsibility to task her military in defence of the realm, usually by request and with guidance from Government. In a quick New Year's Day review of her military kit-locker, HRH felt the British Armed Forces deserved some decent planes, and the Middle and Far Eastern buyer's market has recently become wide open for nuclear weapons.

At a bargain buy-it-now price of £15m per-missile to get stock shifting, the royal family are hoping to raise sufficient capital to get some fast jets for Queen Elizabeth's new aircraft carrier, the Queen Elizabeth; and have enough left over for a new private jet for themselves and a family holiday to Spain.

In Afghanistan, British coalition pilot Flight Lieutenant Fred Atkinson agreed with the monarch: "We could really do with some new planes, actually. The Eurofighter is tricky, because the controls are on the wrong side and it works in meters rather than feet. Our own Anglo-Italian-German Tornado GR1 came into service in 1979, and sitting there today beside the rest of the western world's air-war tech, gives the distinct impression the RAF have arrived at Coalition HQ with nothing but some horse-drawn cannons and a "cunning plan".

Trident Ebay

Mrs Windsor's advertisement also offers a click-and-collect service.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn not only welcomes the Queen's decision to sell Trident, but in terms of military policy, seems to be surfacing as a Blairite. On today's Andrew Marr Programme, Corbyn insisted the Labour Party would support the building of the new multi-billion-pound Trident submarines to keep employment figures up, provided there were no Tridents in the magazine to fire.

Corbyn's philosophy sounds suspiciously New Labour. Like employing hundreds of people for several years, especially expensive consultant friends, to create the world's biggest pancake cooker, Ferris wheel, or millennium tent. It was in 2007 that Tony Blair agreed to fund the Queen's giant aircraft carrier, provided he could scrap the small aircraft carriers. The PM would then scrap the Harrier jet too, right before a swift hand-over to Gordon Brown one month later — leaving the giant aircraft carrier with no aircraft, giant or otherwise.

Unfortunately, unlike the market for nuclear weapons, the market for fast jets is limited. The Queen Elizabeth was designed to take the new American F22 Raptor; however, the five purchased by the UK have remained grounded since Microsoft ceased supporting Windows 7. The Russian Mig 29 only runs on vodka nowadays, and the only other alternative is the Eurofighter, which is not only slow to react and hard to fathom, but is also designed primarily to focus on "tactical bail-outs", rather than "controlled crashes".

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