UnNews:Queen puts Swift's proposal into effect; English start devouring Irish babies
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Queen puts Swift's proposal into effect; English start devouring Irish babies
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, March 23, 2017, 20:20:UTC)(
13 April 2006
(London, England) An international scandal arose earlier today, when Queen Elizabeth II declared that the ideas presented in Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" were to be implemented immediately. In it, the late Mr. Swift states that to curb the growing hunger problem in England, Irish children should used as a source of sustenance, be it through broiling, roasting, or stewing.
This announcement comes in the wake of the recent avian flu outbreak in Scotland, which has not only forced consumers to fully cook their poultry products, but is the primary cause of the decline of poultry futures. Such a hit to one of the British markets threatens to dramatically reduce its power in the global market.
"It's surprising that such an idea has been lying around unused since 1729," stated the monarch, "I know some people have outdated ideas about cannibalism, but I propose that we should be more open-minded about this sort of thing. If our livestock is inadequate for consumption, then we are left with little choice but to go one step up the modern food chain!"
While skeptics doubt that there will be enough young healthy Irish children to meaningfully act as a supply of food, supporters believe that by obtaining similar meat from other parts of the world as part of this plan, this will be corrected.
"Perhaps in this plan we will also achieve a solution to the burgeoning world population problem," the Queen remarked.
The main objection to this idea comes from the beef industry. They are currently lobbying for a waiting period to give them time to adapt their operations to be able to raise children for meat.