UnNews:Queen gets new hat
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Queen gets new hat
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 24, 2017, 08:44:UTC)(
19 February 2007
"We think this hat be the bomb," said the Queen, who didn't really buy the hat, but rather walked into a hat store and just took it, claiming she had a legitimate right to the hat since everything in England is her property by the grace of Almighty God.
When asked, God replied, "I think it's a nice hat, however, just because she's the Queen doesn't mean she should get it for free. Now, if I wanted a new hat, you bet your ass I'd get it for nothing. But that's me."
The hat consisted of a number of finely woven fibers extracted from plant tissue. The fibers were then processed and exposed to a variety of chemicals, resulting in some wavelengths of light being absorbed, while others, most noticeably in the "purple" part of the spectrum, were reflected. This fact, combined with additional calculations by Sir Isaac Newton, helped explain why Mars is sometimes seen moving from west to east in the sky, unlike most stars which pretty much travel to east to west and that's all.
Observers of the Queen were quick to point out that in spite of her age, she has resisted the temptation to become Negroid in appearance, which many women of her age are wont to do. Still, fashionistas are praising the new "huge hat" look, and hope that it will make other old women think more seriously about getting a hat, maybe some gloves, and generally covering themselves up so we don't have to look at them anymore.
In other words the hat could shoot giant laser beams originating from the flux decapitator. The decapitator was made by the Kazakstanian, Borat Einstein. He also shouted "Hey, McFly, Utah! Anyone home?!"