UnNews:Queen Elizabeth changes mind on democracy thing
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Queen Elizabeth changes mind on democracy thing
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 01:40:UTC)(
10 April 2006
Shocking developments occurred in London, England today when Her Imperial Overlord Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of the British Empire and all the known universe, informed Prime Minister Tony Blair that she did not approve of his government, or indeed of any form of democratic government and that she would be imposing her direct rule upon all her subjects. At 1:15pm the Queen's royal guards stormed the Palace of Westminster and proceeded to slaughter MPs using 17th century bayonets. Liberal Democrat leader Menzies Campbell escaped unharmed after being mistaken for a yucca plant, while Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is now set to be the latest attraction at London Zoo.
The 80 year old grandmother is said to have decided to exercise her royal prerogative after hearing of the labour government's plans to introduce compulsory ID cards by 2010. This statement was released to the press;
“I've already got too many cards in my purse, I don't need another bloody one”
After deciding it would be lovely if she ran the United Kingdom (to be renamed the United Queendom) for a while, the Queen is reported to have realised that it would be much more agreeable for everyone concerned if she was in charge of all the commonwealth too.
Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard was said to be delighted at the news and was quoted as saying "I tell ya mate, lets see what those damn republicans have got to say about that", Howard was later hanged for treason. In Canada the public resisted the Queen's decision, partly due to fears that Quebec would never bow down to Her Majesty's rule, however the matter was quickly settled after news came from Paris that President Jacques Chirac had already surrendered his country to the newly formed United Queendom empire. When asked why this move was necessary Chirac told a reporter from Le Monde;
“eet eez either er majesty taking over ze country, or eet eez ze students, I know which I prefer”
In the United States President Bush told a White House press conference;
“It's up to the folks in Great Brittania, Austria and Canadia to decide for themselves what government is right for them, we're not going to force democracy upon anyone. I've met the Queen and I can tell you she's a sweet lady”
The Queen however is reported as saying she feels dismayed by the current state of affairs in the United States, and may be forced to revoke the USA's independence at any moment without warning. Back in London more news broke this evening regarding sweeping new laws announced by the Queen, including a ban on wearing more than one colour of clothing at any one time.