UnNews:Quebec sovereignty party leads in University of Michigan student elections
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Quebec sovereignty party leads in University of Michigan student elections
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Saturday, November 28, 2015, 00:14:UTC)(
22 March 2007
ANN ARBOR, MI (UnNews) - Exit polls show that the Parti Quebecois, the Quebec sovereignty party, holds a commanding lead in this week's Michigan Student Assembly elections. According to the MSL/Zoltran poll, 53% of students preferred the Parti Quebecois, compared with 40% for the incumbent Michigan Action Party and 7% for the Defend Affirmative Action Party. This has come as a surprise to many student government analysts, who don't see the appeal of the PQ's platform to the University of Michigan student body.
"I mean, the Michigan Action Party is running on a platform dedicated to supporting Michigan, action, and partying - issues you would think would win them votes. Even the Defend Affirmative Action Party has the U-M student population's addiction to affirmative action on their side. The Parti Quebecois has - Quebec sovereignty? When did this become a student issue?", said Wolf Blitzer, CNN's chief student government analyst.
However, Parti Quebecois leader and MSA presidential candidate Andre Boisclair disagrees. "Students are fed up with the same old MSA and want something new", says Boisclair. "Students care about a diverse number of issues on this campus - ranging from affirmative action to the Iraq War to how strictly bars enforce ID requirements. Quebec sovereignty is a logical extension of student interests - I mean, who doesn't want a free Quebec liberated from the imperialist apartheid state of Canada?"
Students generally agreed with Boisclair. "What has MAP done for us - NOTHING, not even a botched Ludacris concert! At least the PQ is sure to be an effective advocate for their policies...", said John Backstopper, a Residential College student and PQ voter. American Culture major and South Quad resident Jessie Beardham agreed, but for a slightly different reason - Beardham wanted "those blasted Frenchies to separate from Canada NOW".
Some, however, disagreed. "What does Quebec have to do with MSA - I mean, Michigan isn't even in Canada! Here at MAP, we are focused on what is important - Michigan, action, and partying", said a MAP party leader. On the other hand, DAAP has made plans to preempt the PQ gains by incorporating Quebec sovereignty into their platform and help form the new "Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action, Integration, Immigrant Rights, Quebec Sovereignty ,and Fight for Equality By Any Means Necessary" (CDAAIIRQSFEBAMN).
That said, even with these measures, PQ maintains its lead as of the present moment, mostly due to the fact that CDAAIIRQSFEBAMN is too long of an acronym. Stay tuned to UnNews for more information on these pivotal student government elections that could reshape a nation.