UnNews:Qaddafi: al-Qaeda should apologize 'while licking my feet'
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Qaddafi: al-Qaeda should apologize 'while licking my feet'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 00:46:UTC)(
1 March 2011
TRIPOLI, Libya -- Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi amped up his series of bizarre rants this weekend, all the while declaring that he is 100 percent “loved.”
Looking ugly as sin, Gaddafi was interviewed by NBC’s “Today” and said al-Qaeda terrorists are “trying to destroy” his loving family. "The war is that they're trying to destroy my family,” he told NBC. “I take great umbrage about that, and defeat is not an option.”
“They picked a fight with a warlock," he added.” They're trying to take all my money and leave me with no means to support my family. It's not rocket science. Rocket science is about rockets, this is not about rockets, this is economic."
Gaddafi declared that he did not owe al-Qaeda any apology, and that instead, they were the ones who owed him one, as well as a raise because, at $1.8 million per airliner, he is “underpaid.”
“They owe me [an apology] … while licking my feet,” he said, before adding that he wants $3 million before he would consider another episode of terrorism.
Gaddafi said he always did what he needed to do, and that his alleged 41-year bender with female bodyguards, which he called “epic behavior,” never affected his leadership, mainly because he is not a leader of anything.
The New York Post reported Monday that Gaddafi was set to take on al-Qaeda creator Osama bin Laden in court by slapping him with a $320 million "mental anguish" lawsuit. A source told the newspaper that the lawsuit could be filed as early as Monday.
Of his addictions to voluptuous European women, Gaddafi insisted that he is 100 percent clean and that all sex addicts who cannot get clean are “fools” and “trolls.”
He said he was able to cure his addiction to fat girls after he “closed my eyes, rubbed a magic lamp, and made it so with the wish of a Genie,” refusing to use the word “kindness” for its association with humanity.
The dictator added that he is not worried about relapsing or even masturbating because that kind of behavior is “for amateurs. I’m not saying I’ll never rape any more fat girls, because that is a way to celebrate [but] I have no interest in bombing any more airliners, especially at the old price,” he said.
Gaddafi also told NBC that he got three new tattoos, including one on his testicles that says, "death from above," a quote from "Apocalypse Now," his favorite comedy.
al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden announced Feb. 24 that they were discontinuing the occupation of Libya due to "the totality of Gaddafi's statements, conduct and condition." According to Gaddafi, “al-Qaeda are simply foreign dogs and vultures.” He often referred to the group as “terrorists.”
- Staff "Charlie Sheen: CBS Should Apologize 'While Licking My Feet'". Fox News, March 1, 2011