UnNews:Pyongyang destroyed by huge sea reptile
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
13 July 2006
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SEOUL -- The North Korean missile crisis ended abruptly Thursday when a prehistoric creature came ashore and destroyed Pyongyang.
Though reports from North Korean media were sketchy, the monster, wakened by the Communist regime's rocket testing, came ashore north of the Demilitarized Zone between the two Koreas and began a lumbering advance toward the North Korean capital, leaving a trail of destruction behind it.
Military leaders withdrew several thousand troops from the DMZ for a counter-offensive that proved ineffective.
"North Korea believed that firing missiles into the Sea of Japan would be a harmless display of its power," said South Korean prime minister Han Myeong-Sook. "In fact, it woke a primordial terror from the deep to wreak a terrible revenge on man's hubris."
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il was apparently killed in the attack, screaming for 15 straight seconds before being stomped by the monster.
Pyongyang was burned and demolished by the 164-foot creature, described as an upright lizard. The monster then turned on North Korea's uranium-enrichment facilities and destroyed them.
The Pentagon said Thursday that oxygen levels in the Sea of Japan have dropped dramatically in the last 24 hours, though its relation to the attack is unknown. Reports that North Korean radio was airing hymns to its "Dear Lizard" were unconfirmed.
North Korea's neighbors are on high alert. China has formally warned the monster not to advance to the Chinese/North Korean border on the Yalu River. Chinese emissaries were sent Thursday to begin direct talks with the monster; Beijing reports the negotiators have been eaten.
- Steve Martin "How I Made a Heroic But Doomed Attempt to Save Pyongyang". Godzilla, King of the Monsters!, April 27, 1956