UnNews:Putin's surprise nomination shocks Indonesia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
13 September 2007
PADANG, Indonesia – Russian President Vladimir Putin's surprise decisions today twice shocked the island nation of Indonesia. First, Putin announced the dissolution of his country's parliament in anticipation of the upcoming elections. As news spread to Indonesia, residents expressed their shock with an 8.4 magnitude earthquake. "I never saw it coming," said Padang resident Budarpo, who like most natives uses only one name and doesn't use deodorant.
As Indonesians began to grasp the Russian President's decision and fears of a tsunami abated, another surprise announcement renewed their fears. Mr. Putin chose loyal technocrat Viktor Zubkov to be the next prime minister—a choice that stunned most political pundits. But those stunned most of all were the resilient citizens of Indonesia, whose shock turned into a 7.8 magnitude quake. As the ground shook, many fled from inland fearing another tsunami, and could be heard yelling things like "I was expecting Putin to wait until after the December elections to make this announcement," and "But wasn't former Defense Minister Sergei Ivanov the leading candidate? What about Gazprom board chairman Dmitry Medvedev?"
Damage from the quakes is yet to be assessed, and communications in the region remains spotty, although authorities assured residents that "the latest political news from Russia will be disseminated as normal." Fears of a devastating tsunami like the one in December of 2004 (caused by the surprise victory of opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko in the Ukrainian elections) were quickly dispelled. The United States promised aid to the victims, but also chastized Russia for, in the words of Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, "returning to Cold War intimidation tactics by making surprise announcements that cause natural disasters."