UnNews:Putin's United Russia take 100% of the vote in Russian election
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Putin's United Russia take 100% of the vote in Russian election
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, November 27, 2015, 04:40:UTC)(
3 December 2007
PUTINGRAD, Russia - Supreme Leader and Russian President, Vladimir Putin's United Russia has taken 100% of the wote. Millions of Russians all around the vorld rejoice that such a peace-loving, conciliatory and handsomely muscled statesman vill continue to play important role in Russian politics. The glorious Putin has hinted that although he can not run for President, as his two terms are over (for now!!), he may become new Prime Minister. Modest leader said that he vould only run if United Russia took large amount of wote. Since they have now taken all of the wote ve lucky Russians vill see more vonderful (and handsome (and muscley)) former President.
Magnificent President von many hearts vith heartfelt and conwincing oratory during campaign:
Russians vooed by glorious President's handsome photos showing strong proud leader and strong proud body. Mantra for the President's support was "Russia country, Putin Russia", the statement was just as nonsensical in Russian, but glorious President make sense nonetheless. Russia never been less corrupt or more prosperous and free than it is at the moment and it is thanks to glorious President.
This vas most open and free election in Russian history thanks to brief imprisonment of UnRussians like Garry Kasparov. Ve thank glorious President for making sure that Russophobes like Kasparov and his Other Russia vere not allowed to stand for election. Ve also praise detainment of UnRussian opposition leaders. Anyone who does not accept United Russia as best party in Russia should be held in suspicion and locked up.
In fact OSCE said that this greatest and most glorious election that they had ever seen. They had this to say:"This ... Russia ... election ... no ... numerous violations ... the ... and ... is ... no ... organised campaign ... people ... no ...voting multiple times." - Official OSCE report, I know it is true I read it myself, all this true, no more qvestions.
As special treat for UnNews ve vent to most glorious voting booth in all of Russia (also only booth in all of Russia) and interwieved the Russian casting his wote for Russia's future. Boris Kalashnikov the Cossack vas the only man who could spare time to wote, rest of Russia too busy vorking for Russia's future. Boris no choice but to try and wote as many times as possible for the many other Russians who vere good comrades vorking for Russia's future. Boris knew any true Russian vould be voting for United Russia and thus took it upon himself to wote as many times as possible for United Russia. Boris undoubtedly true Russian.
It is on this glorious day that United Russia vin 100% of the wote in the Russian election from 312 votes, all from inspirational Comrade Boris the Cossack. Onward Mother Russia and her glorious President!!!