UnNews:Psychopath Sues Self, Loses
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Psychopath Sues Self, Loses
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, April 25, 2017, 12:34:UTC)(
20 February 2010
UnNews: Braden, Germany. Last week it was reported that Alex Smitzer, born in Austria and New Zealand in 1974, surprised even the Judge by filing an “Identity Theft” law suit against himself, for unlawfully impersonating the real Alex Smitzer, a confirmed Psychopath.
Upon reading of the case, the Judge, Adolf Shmidf, had to retire to his private chamber to recover from a laughing spell induced by the charges. After regaining his composure, Judge Shmidf re-entered the courtroom, and promptly threw the entire case out of the window (literally).
On hearing the verdict both Alex and Smitzer broke out into an argument that ended when court officials stepped in and stopped the fight. Alex was furious, while Smitzer was rather smug, which only made matters worse.
On leaving the court, Alex Smitzer, told UnNews in strange German accent, “I demand justice! This total imposter is a thief. He’s been following me around for my whole life. I’m sick of it. Every time I fancy a ducky, he fancies her too; and there’s only one dicky! So which one of us will get the pleasure? Really! There is no justice in this world”, he lamented.
He then told UnNews in strange NZ accent, “Crikey! Would you listen to this wanker!? He’s totally full of s—t! Don’t believe a bloody word he says. He’s a lying son of a bitch! Always has been!”
Smitzer then fired back, “You bastard! What did you call my mother? A bitch! Is that what you said?”
To which they both walked off arguing, leaving this UnNews reporter speechless, with pen and paper in hand.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|