UnNews:Proposed ban on carousels

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25 March 2007

TOCCOA, Georgia - A suburban county that sparked a nationwide boycott when its librarians performed citizen arrests on its homeless citizens seeking cooler surroundings in the public library system is now being asked to ban carousels from its county fair and Walmart lobby.

Ashly Ellebee, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Toccoa County Board of Entertainment on Friday that these popular "rides" are thinly disguised attempts to indoctrinate children into bestiality with horses.

Carousel9

several children descending into carousel hell

Board of Entertainment attorney Victoria Principle said that if the county fair was to remove all rides involving spread-eagling atop artificial horses, they would have to ban "horseback riding" and "piggy-back rides" in general as well as motorcycle rides and an interminably long list of things which one can straddle in an improper manner.

"What's next, hoppity-hop?" she asked, adding that the rides don't infringe upon any particular religion but present instead universal themes of togetherness and going around in circles for no reason.

In October, the county's entertainment board eliminated the $423,000 that had been set aside to buy two carousel horses in the coming fiscal quarter. One board member said the move came after several Baptists objected to using taxpayer dollars to purchase what some might categorize as ToysRfucked. Days later, the board reversed its decision amid accusations that the Baptists were, in fact, Jehovah's Witnesses.

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