UnNews:Prophet pix banned: "Too difficult to draw"

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Prophet pix banned: "Too difficult to draw"

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08 January 2015

Mohammad 2

Portrait of Prophet Muhammad before the artist gave up in a rage at the Prophet's unrepresentable features. There does still appear to be a beard in there however.

MECCA, Saudi Arabia -- Latest research from Muslim scholars has discovered that the Prophet Muhammad was in fact an ever-changing, mesmeric collection of coloured blocks, and was therefore nearly impossible to accurately represent, leading to a terrible misunderstanding about whether he could be shown in art.

Lead researcher Abdullah al-Sham revealed that ancient texts and drawing had been uncovered deep in the desert: “We found well over 500 surviving attempts to draw the Prophet Muhammad but all were just blobs of colour, although there does appear to be a beard somewhere in there. Alongside we have found a message from the Prophet saying ‘FFS mate I can’t be arsed to sit for another fucking portrait, let’s sack this shit off.’ As religions are advanced forms of Chinese whispers, this appears to have been twisted over time into a total ban on all images of the Prophet. At least no-one has taken this too seriously. Sorry, what was that … oh.”

This groundbreaking discovery means that cartoonists will now need to draw pixelated shapes when viciously lampooning Islamic religious authority. According to leading satirical cartoonist Charles Obdeh “it is a huge disappointment. Whereas before it had the allure of being forbidden and I could draw him with silly beards, funny bomb-turbans and cocks in his mouth, now he is extremely abstract. I suppose I’ll just have to go back to mocking the Pope or something."

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