UnNews:Prop 8 passes - gays, cats, and salt shakers upset
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Prop 8 passes - gays, cats, and salt shakers upset
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 31, 2016, 05:33:UTC)(
7 November 2008
edit Prop 8 passes - Gays, cats, and salt shakers upset - but goldfish...
In the recent election in California, Proposition 8 passed which will prevent marriages between people of the same gender. Also passed were the companion propositions 8 1/2, 8 3/4, and 8 7/8. Prop 8 1/2 bans marriages between people and cats whereas Prop 8 3/4 bans marriages between people and salt shakers, and rounding out the bans, Prop 8 7/8 bans marriages between cats and salt shakers. Needless to say, they are all upset and holding protest demonstrations.
In a related story, billionaire Gary "Get-along" Getty passed away after a long illness. Lawyers for his cat and his favorite long-time-companion salt shaker are in a heated dispute, each side advocating that the other party has no right to any part of the fortune since they were never legally married to Getty. The judge pointed out to each side, to no avail, that this approach is self destructive, and finally ruled in favor of Getty's goldfish, who was quiet throughout the proceedings.
But the lawyers for Getty's cat and salt shaker wouldn't let the issue rest and appealed to an emergency session of the State Supreme Court. In their appeal, they showed lurid videos of Getty's goldfish, a male, sidling up and brushing against other male goldfish, while ignoring female goldfish. The lawyers thus tried to invoke Proposition 8 to somehow disinherit the concerned goldfish. However, after serious consideration of the abstruse legal issues, the Supreme Court of the State of California ruled in favor of Getty's goldfish. Immediately, the Mormon church pledged 15 million dollars for publicity and work on another proposition for the next California election. If passed, it would effectively overturn the court's decision and prevent other goldfish, like Getty's, from inheriting estates in similar situations.