UnNews:Prisoners released, are free to return to bleak, depressing homeland
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Prisoners released, are free to return to bleak, depressing homeland
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 9, 2016, 04:18:UTC)(
19 May 2007
ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia - Three Swedish men, two nationals and one permanent resident, names withheld, were released from captivity in Ethiopia after being picked up for suspicious activities in relation to Islamic terrorist organizations. The men said, most of all, they are glad to be able to go home.
"How I longed to be back in Sweden!" Said one of the former prisoners. "I pined for the long hours spent huddling in front of the fire in a desperate attempt to feel my feet. I only wish now to go home, and bask in the glorious perennial six hours of sunlight we get per day."
Another prisoner agreed. "Yes, it is great! I think I will take one of my kids skiing, before we have to come back inside, for fear of frostbite." The prisoner also mentioned the wonderful evergreens surrounding his favorite spot by the lakeside, adding, "I only wish we could go in for five seconds without contracting hypothermia."
The third man was a little less optimistic, commenting only that, "I hope the damn seals have left us. They're cute for a while, but they always come up and bang against the house, hoping for fish. And do you know how annoying their barking is at three o'clock in the freaking morning?"
The three men are scheduled to leave on a chartered flight back to Sweden as soon as the weather clears up enough for a safe landing, which they hope will be in the next year or so.