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Prince Philip's mouth retires

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8 May 2017

Prince Philip

Prince Philip's gentility will be sorely missed

LONDON, England -- Prince Philip announced his retirement last week, after a 75-year career in the social spotlight promoting good relations between the UK and the rest of the world.

His dedication to the Monarch and supporting her in her duties may have led him to an early retirement, though he said retirement would let him spend more time with his "favourite tipple," scrumpy. "I've been looking forward to enjoying more scrumpy and eating a full six-pack of Quavers whenever I want to," he said. "It's something I've never had time to do before. I love Quavers, me, but the wife, she's not a fan and she says they stink the house up, which is why she limits me to just two bags a day."

Close friends of the Prince praised his joviality, professionalism, and charisma on social media on hearing the annoucnment. Gay-rights champion Ian McKellen tweeted, "His gentle and polite responses to the big questions singled him out amongst the Royal Family, who have a reputation for blurting things out."

Throughout his long career, Prince Philip has delivered interview after interview to promote his cause. In 2013, he showcased his more liberal side when close friend Tommy Robinson left the EDL, citing its "uncontrollable racist and violent tendencies." The Prince publically supported his decision: "I’ve known Tommy for a while. He’s a good boy, but was a bit misguided, right up until he left the EDL. I’m glad he’s finally listened to reason and has realised — as I have been telling him for years — that racism belongs in the past. It is illogical, nasty, unnecessary and pointless. We should all grow and thrive together as one race; a race of humans."

Popular BBC music journalist Edith Bowman also took to social media to reveal she too had been touched by the Prince. She recalled a chance meeting with him at Glastonbury Festival 2016, when she asked him, "So, who was your favourite band of the festival, and what do you think of such a multicultural line up?" Prince Philip replied, "Earth, Wind and Fire on Sunday, I think. Wonderful music, wonderful people. Y’know, it’s humbling to think that, when I was a boy, overt racism and hatred of foreigners in Britain was rife. It was horrible and completely uncalled for. Thankfully, due to our decades of work campaigning to end racial stereotyping, we’ve finally jumped over that final hurdle and perhaps changed some people's minds for good."

Following his retirement, Greenpeace are rumoured to have Prince Philip at the top of their list to be their next appointed CEO.

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