UnNews:Prince Harry stays out of Iraq, opts for France instead
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Prince Harry stays out of Iraq, opts for France instead
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 17, 2017, 10:57:UTC)(
16 May 2007
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LONDON, England -- In a heart-wrenching speech that shocked the world, Prince Harry announced that he would be leading an invasion of France later this month. After his request to enter Iraq was denied, Prince Harry resolved to bring his army of Tonka Trucks and Power Ranger Blow-up Dolls to parts of the world "lacking justice, security, and liberty". After making serious allegations regarding France's possession of weapons of mass destruction, the Prince broke into a long and tearful rant about the terrible influences of the French army and the country's inhabitants. "It cannot be denied," Harry said in a prepared statement "that French women, although they never wash, are still more attractive than Arab women, who, while they also smell, are more like men."
The French president was not able to be reached for comment. Soon after the information reached the European Mainland, rioting ensued in Paris. The stench was overpowering, with protestors defecating and urinaiting in their pants. "We're not going to take this anymore. We will not be invaded without taking action." said one protestor. Immediate plans were announced by the French government to evacuate the country to avoid any bloodshed.
The United Nations unanimously passed a resolution to place a trade embargo on Prince Harry, and threatened to withdraw their foreign aid if the Prince fails to renounce his statement. The resolution contains the phrase "No more toys for princy boy!" As a Pavlovian response, a second resolution was passed condemning the United States and Britain for nothing in particular.
"I guess we'll just have to save their butts once again, by declaring the war over long before the threat is destroyed" stated American General David Petraeus who wished to remain anonymous. "This is getting to be a habit, I wonder if we'll be able to Nuke anyone." he said.
- Alan Cowell "Britain’s Prince Harry Will Not Be Heading to Iraq". The New York Times, May 16, 2007