UnNews:Price of Cocaine Feeling Effects of Higher Gas Prices
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Price of Cocaine Feeling Effects of Higher Gas Prices
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, March 23, 2018, 13:13:UTC)(
9 November 2007
The US cocaine industry has seen a steady increase in the price of pure cocaine that coincides with a rise in US gas prices. Wall Street closed down this week by more than 300 points after stock brokers suffering from withdrawal sparked a massive two-day sell off. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke stated that "the rising cost of fuel will continue to negatively effect the stree-stree-street price of cocaine in the US. This is why we-we-WE must de-decrease our reliance on for-foreign fuels-z or find an alternative-tive-tive energy source." In an attempt to stave off concerns regarding rising cocaine prices, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warned cocaine distributors that the Federal Reserve would likely not lower the interest rate that banks charge each other to fund their drug cartels. Several investors responded to Bernanke's remarks by saying, "What the fu** is he snorting? That made absolutely no sense".
President Bush only had a brief comment saying that the price of cocaine was "dang near free" during his college days.