UnNews:President tells NASA "Get Your Asses into Space"
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President tells NASA "Get Your Asses into Space"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 1, 2015, 16:29:UTC)(
23 August 2008
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida --In an attempt to boost American morale, President George Bush last week told NASA to "Get your asses into space!". Space exploration always bodes well for American national pride, and it was thought to buoy up the current low morale of many Americans a fantastic space mission or some space-type of discovery would help. NASA responded with their own campaign "Following orders from the President" quipped one Engineer. "After all the budget cuts we've had and now he's demanding we increase our efforts, we're more than happy to give him just exactly what he asked for." Thus, the photo.
With the American economy at an all time low and many Americans no longer being able to afford to purchase $150 basketball sneakers, lease $60,000 cars in perpetuity, or sip $4 designer coffees, morale is low and blamers point towards D.C. "Everything was great until HE came along! Now we can't even send a VW Bug into Space we're so low on funds!"
NASA's Texas Promotions Department and Chief Communcations/P.R. Officer Henrietta DuBois released the following memo; "Pursuant to a request by the President of the United States of America to increase our efforts to explore Space, a few rogue employees of this department composed and took this inappropriate photograph depicting a mule in an astronaut's space suit posing as an astronaut's promotional picture. The individuals in question, and we believe there are three simply due to what we feel would be a minimum number of people needed to take this kind of photo, dress a mule, and keep the mule steady during the shoot, are being sought after. We encourage any employee of NASA who knows who may have been involved or the individuals involved themselves, to step forward and admit to this act. We at NASA, do not encourage this behaviour nor will we tolerate this kind of behaviour. The perpetrators will be punished, regardless of the entertainment value of the picture."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|