UnNews:President Obama signs secret bill for 2nd economic stimulus package
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
President Obama signs secret bill for 2nd economic stimulus package
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, December 5, 2016, 16:43:UTC)(
30 July 2009
WASHINGTON D.C.- President Barack Obama is going to spend even more of your tax dollars now! He, in secrecy, passed another economic stimulus package worth $9.6 trillion. Obama claims that the first one, which he says is completely spent, quite contrary to Republicans' beliefs, that it has created or saved 230 million jobs and that a new one will bring the U.S. out of the
recession depression it is currently facing and build immunity from another. Nancy Pelosi and House Democrats like the idea and say it will bring a new era of inner bliss in the U.S. House Republicans say it will crash the economy and make us eat fried worms.
President Obama has this to say about the new package:
“I promise to the American people that this package will bring a new era to the American economy. We will create new green jobs, save old coal jobs, go to new extents in space such as Jupiter, send little Jimmy to school with a teleporter, create underwater civilizations, move the U.S. to the moon if global warming keeps up and even have us grow extra feet with medical science to move quicker.”
The package will go to the following areas: Green job places, clean coal mines, NASA, big businesses such as McDonald's, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Johnny's Car Repair and the Krusty Krab. Obama also plans to make a third economic stimulus package worth $56.4 trillion to bring an infinite barrier from recessions in the future. President Obama has this to say about future economic stimuli:
“We will make as many as we need for this country to succeed.”
- NA "U.S. must be open to second economic stimulus: Hoyer". Yahoo!, July 7, 2009
- Jason Simpkins "Second, and Possibly Third, Stimulus on the Way as Unemployment Poses Next Major Hurdle for the Economy". moneymorning, 2008
- Deirdre Walsh "House Democrats plan second economic stimulus package". CNN, October 10, 2008