UnNews:President Bush a robot!
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President Bush a robot!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, December 11, 2016, 06:07:UTC)(
11 August 2007
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WASHINGTON, D. C. - President George W. Bush is a robot! This astounding revelation occurred when the Bushbot malfunctioned during a recent press conference. “The president’s eyes began to flicker,” a reporter observed, “and smoke began to pour out of his mouth and backside. Then, his face split open, down the center!”
“I always knew he was two-faced,” Senator Harry Reid quipped.
Fire extinguishers were used to extinguish the blaze that faulty wiring had caused inside the president’s breastplate. “It was awful!” Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, who was on the scene, reported.
By all accounts, many were astonished. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” first lady Laura Bush declared. “I thought George was acting a bit peculiar lately, but it was nothing a little Viagra couldn’t fix--or so I’d thought.”
Bush has long been taunted for his difficulty in speaking the English language (or any other, for that matter), said Senator Ted Kennedy, who asked to remain anonymous. “His butchering of the native tongue is notorious across the nation and around the world.”
“I always suspected he was a robot,” Sen. Nancy Pelosi said. “And to think he--or it--challenged my manhood!”
“This explains a lot,” Sen. Hillary Clinton said.
“Exactly what does it explain?” Sen. Obama challenged her declaration.
It is not yet known why or for how long the robot has been appearing in place of the president, but the matter is under investigation, sources close to the Bushbot said.
It is believed that the president himself may have come up with the idea of having a robot double replace him on certain occasions, such as press conferences, when he might be called upon to think or answer questions that he has not seen in advance.
As a recent guest on Fox News’ Neil Cavuto’s television show, the president, Cavuto said, “smelled oddly like motor oil.” The host attributed the perception to Bush’s cologne, he said.
Congress is concerned about the legality of the Bushbot’s actions as president. “Does its veto count?” Pelosi wondered. “Did the president or the Bushbot commit us to this never-ending, nightmarish war against war in Iraq?” Senator Kennedy asked, between hiccups.
Perhaps the first lady asked the most poignant question of all: “Will the Bushbot respond to Viagra or is there something else wrong with its plumbing?”