UnNews:Pres Ahmadinejad describes British "John Thomas"
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
25 March 2007
TEHRAN, Iran -- During a press conference today sponsored by the Iranian News Agency FART, President Ahmadinejad was asked for the first time about the 15 kidnapped British sailors being kept in Iran.
"There will be no more sailors taken," said Ahmadinejad. "We have found their John Thomas."
Apparently, the president was referring to the precursor of this entire incident when British sailors had told the Iranians that their John Thomas was larger. Iran Naval officers vowed to search every British sailor until they found John Thomas.
"We asked the Brits if they had a large John Thomas and one of them stepped forward. I didn't believe him because he was so short and skinny. However, he did drop his trousers for us and it was this big!" (At this point in the interview, Ahmadinejad spread his hands apart in a show of the sailor's prowess.)
"We have been messing around with Britain for a long time, but this scared me. The sailors were not joking. This John Thomas fellow is very large! We're going to start picking on the Americans from now on," said Ahmadinejad.
When asked what the future held for British/Iranian relations, Ahmadinejad was very blunt. "We are still looking for an Iranian named John Thomas in order to compare him to the British guy. I'm fairly certain he won't be as big, though. If he is, we'll probably make him the next president. Until then, we're going to keep looking to see whether or not we have a John Thomas."