UnNews:Prehistoric Spider Web May be Evidence of Ancient "Super Pig"
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Prehistoric Spider Web May be Evidence of Ancient "Super Pig"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, November 30, 2015, 11:36:UTC)(
27 June 2006
BARCELONA, SPAIN -- An orb spider, dating back 110 million years to the time of the dinosaurs, may offer exciting clues about early porcines, according to a recent report. The spider, which scientists have dubbed Araneus Charlotta, was found preserved in amber, along with a portion of its web.
"The web isn't intact, of course," stated Dr. Fern Arable, who is heading up the project, "but there's clearly some writing there... especially if you turn your head and squint a bit."
The exact text has been a subject for debate among the team, with some believing it to spell "RADIANT", others "TERRIFIC", and some even "HUMBLE". The current consensus, however is that it says "SOME PIG".
"That first bit is definitely an 'S'," Dr. Arable added, "I don't see how anyone could say that's not an 'S'."
"That's what's so terribly exciting," remarked Dr. Arable, "There may have been these extraordinary pigs, living millions of years ago, and we knew nothing about them... until now."
At the moment, the scientific community is divided over the initial report. Most believe, as Dr. Arable does, that this is a clear indication of an exceptional species of early pigs. Some, however, insist that it's actually the spider that's remarkable.
"That's just crazy," Dr. Arable said, in conclusion, "Doesn't it just make sense that these pigs would have to be pretty amazing for this spider to feel the need to write about them? I certainly think so."
Dr. Arable and her team are currently seeking a grant to continue their research.