UnNews:Pregnant women warned to avoid contact with animals
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Pregnant women warned to avoid contact with animals
We distort, you deride
Thursday, August 25, 2016, 20:26:UTC)(
12 January 2013
Edinburgh, Scotland -- The Scottish government has advised that pregnant women avoid contact with animals, particularly sheep near the time of lambing. The Scottish government has annually issued such warnings for the past several years.
"It is a well documented scientific fact sheep carry chlamydiosis, toxoplasmosis and listeriosis, and these diseases can cause miscarriages in pregnant women," said Sir Harry Burns, Chief Medical Officer of Scotland. "However, the risk of infection is low, and probably not something to be concerned over. Rather, pregnant women should avoid livestock to prevent contact with Preggobear."
Preggobear (Ursus theodorus maiesiophilius) is a subspecies of teddy bear closely related to Pedobear. However, Preggobear is attracted to unborn, rather than under-age, individuals." said Dr. Burns, "Before the lambing season, Preggobear will often be preying upon gravid ewes. However, once the ewe gives birth, Preggobear will seek out another target. If Preggobear spots a pregnant female, she may become his target. Since sheep birth is seasonal, Preggobear tends to switch target species after the lambing season."
Dr. Burns then went to explain how women can protect themselves, "If you must come in contact with birthing ewes, consider wearing loose fitting clothing, preferably flannel. Preggobear may mistake you for an obese person. To be especially careful, pregnant women should avoid contact with their partner's clothing if they assist in lamb birth. It is rumored that Preggobear can smell pregnancy hormones on clothing, and may follow a woman's partner home out of curiosity."
- Doctor, Net "Pregnant women urged to take care during lambing season". Netdoctor, January 10, 2013