UnNews:Pre-Teen Repeatedly Beat White House Officials at Game of Battleship

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25 April 2008

300px-BB61 USS Iowa BB61 broadside USN

Battleship™Explosives not included

At this past year’s “Take Your Daughter To Work Day,” 12-year-old Grace LaMontagne proved that her basic strategy skills are more efficient than most US officials when she repeatedly beat cabinet members at the Milton Bradley game Battleship.

Miss LaMontagne arrived at the White House with her mother, Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings first thing on the morning of April 24 to observe and help tackle the day-to-day tasks at the White House.

Other White House employees had their children on the premises for the day and quickly put them to work regulating peace talks with the Middle East and overseeing National Security.

“They all seemed as competent as our interns and willing to work. But not Miss LaMontagne.” Department of Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates said. At mid-morning he found the young girl rummaging through White House drawers and complaining of boredom. To placate the child, Gates asked what she wanted to do.

That was when little Madeline pulled out travel Battleship, a 2-player game involving military strategy and guessing skills.

To make the game “more fair” Gates suggested they create teams and asked 4 of his colleagues to enter into a Battleship alliance.

With the swiftness of a lion, Madeline sank their destroyer in under 2 minutes. Then using, basic logic skills and hand-eye coordination, the young girl was able to blow up her opponent’s PT Boat and Submarine.

Game pieces were thrown in frustration and Vice President Cheney mistakenly got an Aircraft Carrier lodged up his nose. Fights broke out among players and Rice pleaded with Madeline for a re-match.

Due to cheating accusations during the preceding games, Madeline eventually had to “put the game away.”

The horrendous losses at a game, which recent poll members believe to be fairly easy for anyone above 12 years of age, has brought into question the adroitness of country leaders.

“The White House does not play games and we can not admit anyone onto the premises who believes otherwise,” President Bush said during a press conference following the pitiful defeats.

“But I do like the idea of putting kids to work.”


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