UnNews:Praying pilot jailed
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Praying pilot jailed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 6, 2016, 03:45:UTC)(
27 March 2009
PALERMO, Italy -- A Tunisian pilot has been found responsible for the deaths of 16 passengers after he made the decision to pray rather than take emergency measures when his aeroplane got into difficulties near Sicily. Survivors were left to swim for their lives after the resulting crash, during which the plane broke up and sank.
A court sentenced the man to 8-9 years in prison on Monday after hearing that he panicked and prayed out loud after discovering that the aircraft's fuel gauge had failed. He then deliberately crash-landed in the sea rather than attempt to reach a near-by airport.
UnNews was granted an exclusive telephone interview with God from His multi-million dollar mansion in Heaven last night. When asked why He had ignored the pilot's prayers and taken steps to prevent the plane from crashing, He replied, "Well, he survived, didn't he? It's not my fault if people are too lazy or stupid to learn to be specific. Do you know how many angel-hours we waste every year trying to decipher exactly what some clown meant when he requested a blessing? And I know we're not the only ones having problems, try dropping in on Saint Nick during the Christmas season and you'll hear nothing but bitching about how many different iPod models Apple has! Anyway, the man's a fool. Why does he think I invented back-up fuel gauges? All he had to do was press the right button and it'd have been fine. I mean, what more do you want from Me?"