UnNews:Power is still out in St. Louis; nobody cares

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23 July 2006

Black

St. Louis, July 22, 2006.

Careometer

Nobody cares about St. Louis.

ST. LOUIS, Missouri: The power is still out in St. Louis, Missouri, after storms reportedly pwned the entire city with what many described as, "God shitting on us."

Mayor Francis Slay spoke out against the massive Amish movement to St. Louis since the devastating blackout. Amish folk say that they hope the city will realize that electricity is useless. In rebuttal, Mayor Slay stated that the Amish were useless and a fine example of what has come to be known as stupid.

As a result of the power outage, National Guard troops rained down from helicopters to provide aid, but after realizing the situation, got back on their helicopters and left.

However, the massive heat wave seems to be the major plague, as those without power (an estimated 500,000+) have been forced to strip naked to cool themselves, turning the entire city of St. Louis into a nudist colony. Luckily, there are no lights to see.

An excerpt from a St. Louisian had this to say:

"Man, we gonna' start some riots! Everybody starts riots in the big cities when the power's off, why shouldn't we?!"

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