UnNews:Postage to go up again
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
6 July 2010
The request must go before the Postal Regulatory Commission. Also, the Rate Increase Review Board, and, new this year, the Voluntary Health Choices Administration, which may conclude that the Post Office would be better off just taking a pain pill.
Postmaster General John Potter said the USPS is required to set aside pension money; if it could use the same fake accounting as the rest of the government, no rate increase would be needed. He also said the agency gets no subsidy from the government. (See above under fake accounting.) Rate increases are limited to the rate of inflation, except in unusual circumstances, and Mr. Potter is building a case that the crippling work rules and the cadre of slothful, antagonistic employees who will "grieve" if you look at them the wrong way is "unusual." Postal officials have also proposed ending mail delivery to cut costs.
Mr. Potter asserts that even the new, higher rate will be a bargain, as it is even worse in some Third-World countries; also, that if you had to build a postal system from scratch in order to deliver a single letter, it would cost you more than 46 cents. He could not explain why an overpriced good will sell better if made even more overpriced. But these are the same folks who think they will pull in more tax money in 2011 when tax rates go up.
"The Postal Service faces a risk of insolvency," USPS Vice President Stephen M. Kearney said. He said postal customers can protect themselves by buying the new "Forever" stamps, which will continue to be good even if rates rise or the USPS goes out of business.
However, Tony Conway, executive director of the American Association of Junk Mailers, said the increase is unfair. "It hits the poor hardest," he said. He is advocating that the government send every citizen a free sheet of postage stamps in the envelope with the next "stimulus" tax rebate. He also said that bulk rates should be lowered. "Junk mail gets Americans shopping again. And, if we could mail for free, we would send so much junk that people could heat their homes with it. That would end our dependence on fossil fuels!"
- Randolph E. Schmid "Post office plans to announce new rate increase". Associated Press, July 6, 2010