UnNews:Pope unveils latest love list
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Pope unveils latest love list
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 02:26 (UTC)
31 July 2009
Vatican City -- Joey Ratzinger, acting Pope, has unveiled his Papal List, an annual top 5 of lovely ladies.
Having taken up office on 19th April 2005, this will be Joey's 4th annual list. Girls from all countries and all faiths have been sitting on their tenters waiting anxiously for today's announcement. The Vatican appended the list to the Vatican bike shed building right next to the Cardinal's footy team list. The popular Pope, an Aries, has always been a firm lover of women although he did admit that he has yet to touch one in the flesh. "Ho ho", chuckled the gay little Pontiff, "picking the lovely ladies is one of my favourite jobs of the year."
Benny XVI is theologically conservative and his teaching and prolific writings defend traditional Catholic doctrine and values. This is reflected in the new list which provides the Catholic World with a rich template of feminine beauty.
The Bishop of Rome's sanity and lack of moral and religious taste has been questioned by none other than the infamous Crosby poet, Roger Van Gogh. "He's an old man with a dodgy dick" argued Van Gogh. "If you look very closely at the list you'll see that the white haired rat is a small tit man who has no taste at all."
5 - Jordan
4 - The Singing Nun
3 - Joan of Arc
2 - St Mary Magdalene
1 - Mother Theresa
Mother Theresa was unavailable for comment but Peter Andre did say that he was delighted to see his bird in the list at last. Peter Andre is pants at singing except for his iconic, Mysterious Girl, written in honour of The Singing Nun. Andre also went on to suggest that Van Gogh might need to check his specs if he thought Jordan was small titted.
Who'll top next year's list - latest odds
- Mother Theresa 1-22
- Amy Winehouse 23-1
- London Hilton 300-1