|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
18 July 2008
SYDNEY, Australia - Several Catholics were shocked today when the Pope collapsed at the final mass of World Youth Day in Sydney. As officials crowded around the fallen pontiff, it was found that there were several dwarves standing on each other's shoulders under his papal robes. They had slipped over while Benedict was attempting to shake his groove thing.
"Its true", said Cardinal George Pell. "Pope Bendedict died last year from HIV. We hired some circus dwarves to continue the charade".
Wendy Jones, a life-long Catholic said she didn't mind.
"Well, its a bit of a shock, but the dwarves have obviously been doing a good job, so I say they should be allowed to stay".
The latest embarrassment for the Catholic church comes in light of criticisms that the Sith had infiltrated the upper echelons of the church.
"That's true too", said Pell. "We've known that Darth Sidious has been the Pope for several years now, but we felt that we had a handle on things. Plus, he beat me at poker last year, so I needed to get my money back."
Supporters of the Dark Side wondered how the church would continue with the evil power of the force.
As senior Vatican official was quoted as saying that whilst the loss of Darth Sidious was a great loss to the evil Empire, few people understood the evil nature of dwarves. "You'd be surprised just how mean little people can be. I mean, look at the vindictive nature of small men suffering from inferiority complexes".
After the shock discovery, one of the dwarves spoke to the crowd. He thanked them for their hospitality.