UnNews:Pope makes creepy apology to child-abuse victims

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

The Pope, expressing his deep sense of "shame and regret" over the abuse of "those innocent young virgins."

Pope makes creepy apology to child-abuse victims

Where man always bites dog

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 17:47:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

20 July 2011

VATICAN CITY -- Faced with a continuing sexual abuse scandal across Europe and the United States, Pope Benedict XVI yesterday issued a strong, heartfelt, and somewhat creepy apology to "all those beautiful precious little children" who suffered at the hands of paedophiles in the Catholic Church.

Speaking at a Mass in St. Peter's Basilica, the pontiff said that he felt deeply "ashamed, embarrassed, and very, very naughty" over the "sinful and criminal acts committed by members of the clergy against children and their supple, nubile young bodies."

"You have suffered grievously, and I am truly sorry," the Pope told abuse victims. "Your trust has been betrayed and your dignity has been violated."

"We must never allow this to happen again," he continued, "no matter how enchanting we find their playful little smiles."

Victims groups said that, while they welcomed the apology, it didn't go far enough, and that they felt a bit freaked out by the way the Pope kept smiling at them. "Words are not enough," a representative of Irish victims group One In Four said, "we need the Church to act so that child abusers are punished. Also, the Pope needs to cut down on that heavy breathing. It comes across a bit rapey."

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools