UnNews:Pope makes Irish primate new cardinal
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Pope makes Irish primate new cardinal
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 14:11:UTC)(
25 November 2007
In a startling turnaround in policy, Pope Benedict XVI has named an Irish primate among 24 new cardinals of the Catholic Church. The new "prince of the church", affectionately known as Booboo, normally resides at Dublin zoo but will be allowed biannual trips to Rome, along with zookeeper Mary O'Connor, in order to keep up to date with church policy.
"He's really very excited about this appointment so he is, aren't you Boobooboo you big fuzzy wuzzy? Yees, you are." Miss O'Connor said about the decision.
Pope Benedict explained that his decision was part of the Church's modernizing drive:
"I feel this decision was truly the inevitable result of our ongoing process of modernizing the Catholic Church. Now we have come to recognize our evolutionary origin, it is only fitting that we should bestow our primate ancestors with the respect they deserve in keeping with our fine traditions of respect for age and the wisdom that comes with it."
Also made cardinal at the special consistory was a giant tortoise, Plodder, of the Galapagos Islands.