UnNews:Pope counter-punches in free-speech fight

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Pope counter-punches in free-speech fight

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, March 23, 2018, 03:50:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

16 January 2015


Pope Francis vows to settle past scores without depending on a technical knockout.

MANILA, Philippines -- Pope Francis has taken the gloves off, regarding expressions that disparage religion — and could be ready to put the gloves on.

Gesturing toward his cowering Papal secretary, the pontiff said, "If Dr. Gasparri curses my mother, he can expect a punch." Saying freedom of expression carries the duty to speak for the "common good," he seemed to be siding with the Muslim assassins against the late, irreverent cartoonists of Charlie Hebdo. He went on in the interview to characterise global warming as a "slap in the face" against the planetary mother and suggested that additional counterpunches were in order.

Speaking after stripping off his papal vestments to go up against Mammon "The Brain-Smasher" in a new "Thriller in Manila," the Pope's fighting talk surprised onlookers, who had him down as a Man of Peace. His predecessor Pope Benedict — the "Holy Bruiser" — liked to throw out a lot of highly theological right hooks. Before him was Pope John Paul, who liked to kick below the belt. But Pope Francis had gone for the more "huggable" approach to his religious fights. Now, it seems there is to be a big change in process.

"Could be a whole new Catholic Church," said boxing promoter Don King. "Since the Enlightenment, the Church has been taking a lot of body blows, but now it looks like they want to roll back to the Inquisition."

edit Sources

Personal tools