Pope condemns naughtiness
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015, 15:02:UTC)(
16 April 2008
The Pope in his current visit to America has condemned bad people who do bad thing to little people. The President welcomed this yesterday, saying "We, uh, uh, weren't sure, uh, yeh sure, but now the man has spoke and we now know paedophiles are bad". Other civic leaders have welcomed Benny's Ban. One prominent, er leading leader said: "It is great that we can now be sure that the Church has stopped deliberately employing these bad people."
The video scenes of this were interrupted by a parade of Vatican guards coming in to arrest said leader and banging him up for being a baddie. Astute listeners could hear faint strains of the Monty Python signature tune. A spokesman later said, solemnly, that "No-one expects the Vatican Guards".
Rumours are around that the Pope may also condemn big people doing bad things to other big people, but police forces nationwide have condemned this, saying it would be a restrictive practice and make them all redundant.
The Pope is considering future visits to ban paedophiles from working in the Church in Holland, Canada, Honolulu, Thailand, and, some say, Italy. A Papal Commission has been set up to decide how they are going to tell the goodies from the baddies, and is expected to give its initial findings in 2090.
The Pope has said he may or may not visit these countries in person, after all he is 'a busy person', is over 80, and is wondering if an edict would be enough to get the job done and dusted.
He said also "Its just too embarrassing and shameful to face the fact that these guys work, sorry worked, for us. Can you imagine what it feels like to be me when I read things like this?"