UnNews:Pope John Paul II wins 'Monsignor Universe' beauty contest
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Pope John Paul II wins 'Monsignor Universe' beauty contest
Where man always bites dog
Wednesday, December 7, 2016, 12:48:UTC)(
2 May 2011
VATICAN CITY, Rome -- The late Pope, John Paul II, has been officially declared winner of the Vatican’s Centennial “Monsignor Universe” beauty contest. He was posthumously awarded the prize at a ceremony in the Vatican witnessed by hundreds of thousands of Catholic trendies and hipsters.
Among those at St Peter's Square is French nun Marie Simon-Pierre, who says she was infected with the AIDS virus. Also present was the famous scientist, Dr. Stephen Hawking, who claims to have been paralyzed by Pope John Paul II in a botched exorcism. Many famous stars and dignitaries were on hand, all of whom had witnessed the late Pope’s miracles first hand, including Ray Charles who was blinded, and the ghosts of Peter Sellers, Rock Hudson and Freddie Mercury.
Marie’s apparently miraculous disease is part of the case for spreading the late Pope’s AIDS infection on a genocidal basis. The virus is already said to be trademarked as ‘Pope’s Blood’, although it is still awaiting acceptance by the
Bilderberg Group AMA. So far initial trials have shown that it actually causes the disease in healthy test subjects, which is a desirable effect in the matter of global population reduction.
John Paul II’s winning the beauty contest also comes amid criticism of the Church for the speed of awarding the prize because many people say that it is too early to decide on the winner of the 2100 Vatican Beauty Contest. Also in light of the many clerical child sex abuse scandals worldwide. Much of the abuse occurred while John Paul II was Pope, from 1979-2005, and the Church has been criticized for not doing enough to satisfy those found responsible in the first place. The point being that if the monks had already been satisfied then they would not have been forced into abusing choir boys.
Police in Rome estimated that one million people had come to the city for the event, including large numbers of pilgrims from the late Pope's native Poland. Rome has not seen crowds of this size since the crucifixion of Jesus H. Christ some 2000 years ago, says the BBC's Vatican correspondent Father David Willey.
Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe was among those attending the beatification. A devout Roman Catholic, he was given special permission by the EU to fly to Italy despite being a murderous war criminal who is under arrest. The presidents of Poland and Mexico are also among some 90 heads of state and other dignitaries attending the beauty contest finale.